Pandemonium
by KellyMelly901
Summary: Can anything go right when Niles is missing?


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Pandemonium

by

KellyMelly901

One Friday morning, Frasier woke with a start.

"It can't be!" he gasped.

Frasier began to hastily get ready for his squash game with Niles. He rushed down the hall and out into the living room.

"Would you like some breakfast, Dr. Crane?" Daphne inquired.

"No, I'm in a hurry," he said as he rummaged through the laundry basket.

"What for?"

"I'm late for my squash game with Niles, and I was supposed to reserve the court."

"Well, what in the heavens, are you looking for?" Daphne asked.

"I can't find my squash socks."

"Just wear different socks," his dad declared.

"The only other socks I have are dark."

"So?"

"I'm not going to wear dark socks with white tennis shoes and especially not with shorts!"

"Why don't you wear a pair of Mr. Crane's?" Daphne suggested.

Frasier hesitated and desperately answered, "I suppose."

"Gee, I wonder if I have any clean ones."

"Forget it!"

"I was only joking," he lied.

Martin rummaged through his drawers and soon discovered a pair.

"Thanks, Dad," Frasier said as he left the apartment.

To his dismay, the elevator was out of order, so he was forced to take the stairs. By the time he reached the first floor, he was wiped out. Panting, Frasier hurried to his car.

"I can still make it," he muttered to himself, as he sped out of the parking garage.

Just as he rounded the first corner, a police car emerged from behind the bushes, siren and all. Perturbed, Frasier pulled over and prepared his license and registration.

"Officer," Frasier began to plead, "I'm dreadfully sorry, but I'm late to work."

"License and registration," the officer demanded.

"Yes, sir."

"Dr. Frasier Crane!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, this is embarrassing."

"I knew your voice sounded familiar."

"You know... if I could have your signature, I'd be happy to let you off with a warning."

"I don't encourage this kind of special treatment, but since I am running late..."

"Wait a minute, your show doesn't come on 'til the afternoon. You're not running late for work. You lied. I'm gonna have to give you a ticket now."

Frasier grabbed the ticket and was on his way again. Once the building was within site, he encountered a traffic jam. There was just enough room for him to park illegally at an intersection. Without thinking, he took a chance and took the spot.

Without a moment to spare, he sprinted down the sidewalk and ran inside. He burst into the squash court, only to find that it was already occupied.

"Excuse me," he apologized.

Frasier couldn't believe that Niles was later than he was. He reached for his cell phone, which he had apparently forgotten at home.

"Excuse me, miss," he said to the lady at the front desk, "Is it possible for me to borrow the phone."

"I'm afraid it's for business only," she replied.

"Yes, but, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"I have my own radio show."

"Okay then, there's a payphone over there, sir."

Frasier timidly approached the payphone. In fact, he took so long that someone cut him off.

"Excuse me, but I was here first."

"No, if you had been here first, I would be the one behind you."

"You clearly cut in front of me."

"This conversation is over."

"No, this conversation is over!" Frasier exclaimed as he snatched the payphone from her and hung it up.

"Ugh! You'll pay for this!" she shouted, but Frasier just continued to dial. Of course, Niles didn't answer the phone. The only thing left to do was to go to his apartment.

A ticket was waiting for Frasier on the windshield of his car.

All he could say was, "Perfect."

The drive over to Niles' apartment was fine, but misfortune had not abandoned him yet.

"Hello," he greeted a man standing by the door.

"May I see your identification?"

"Identification?"

"It's a new security procedure."

"I'm sure, and who might you be?"

"I'm the doorman."

"Ah, well, my brother lives in this building."

"Only residents allowed, sir."

"Don't residents ever have visitors?"

"Certainly, certainly, but you'll have to be buzzed in."

"_Buzzed in_? And just how am I to accomplish that exactly?"

"You may use the intercom to your left."

"Thank you," Frasier remarked sarcastically. The doorman nodded his head and continued to let other residents in.

"Niles!" he spoke into the intercom, "Niles, wake up!"

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"But my brother's asleep."

"Perhaps you should try his phone," the doorman suggested.

"I've already done that."

"His cell phone, then."

"Well, maybe I will!" Frasier announced defiantly. He started to walk off, but then he remembered he didn't have a phone.

"May I borrow the phone?"

"I'm afraid it's strictly for business."

"I see. Is there a pay phone?" The doorman pointed to something that slightly resembled a phone. "You're joking, right?"

"No, sir."

As a lady was approaching the phone, Frasier jumped in front of her, and began to dial. The lady rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, but Frasier didn't feel any guilt. One might've guessed that Niles didn't answer his cell phone, so Frasier annoyed the lady even more by calling home as well.

"Dad, have you heard anything from Niles?"

"Nothing," he answered.

"Call me if you hear anything."

"Sure thing."

"Thanks, bye."

"Bye."

Frasier wasn't about to give up though. He had gone to too much trouble to get where he was. He pulled his car around front and honked his horn several times. After that failed, he started yelling, "Niles!" He woke everybody in the building up except Niles. Frasier continued to make attempts but still did not succeed.

Meanwhile, back at his apartment, the phone rang.

"Hello?" Martin said into the phone.

"Dad, is Daphne in?" asked Niles.

"Where the hell are you, Niles? Frasier's been looking all over for you."

"What ever for?"

"He said that you'll are supposed to meet for a squash game or something this morning, but you never showed up."

"That's not 'til tomorrow."

"Well, you're gonna have to call him 'cause I don't wanna have to tell him that. He'll bite my head off instead of yours!"

"Okay, I'll call him on his cell phone."

"Bye."

"Bye, dad."

When Frasier told Martin to call him, he had forgotten that he didn't have his phone. Niles didn't know either, so he called his phone.

"Hello?" Martin repeated.

"Dad?"

"Niles?"

"Frasier must have left his phone."

"We better go find him then."

"You never told me where Daphne was."

"She went shopping or something."

"Oh no, I'm too late!"

"What's the matter?" Martin asked.

"I was supposed to meet Daphne at the mall, and we were going to shop for eachother's anniversary gifts."

"I'll go find Frasier, and you can find Daphne."

"I can't leave."

"Where are you?"

"I'm at Mel's."

"Are you crazy? Daphne's gonna kill you!"

"I know, I know, but she promised to finalize the divorce if I would act like I'm getting kicked out of her apartment."

"What are you doing now then?"

"I'm in her bathroom trying to get out of here before Daphne finds out."

"Wouldn't Daphne be happy?"

"Well, yes, but I decided this would be a good surprise."

"If she calls, I'll cover for you."

"Thanks, dad."

"Hold on, it's the other line."

"Hello?" Martin said, once again.

"Mr. Crane," Daphne said.

"Daphne?"

"Yes, have you heard from Niles?"

"Nope, I haven't had a call all day."

"If he calls, tell him I've already left the mall!"

"Wait! Don't do that!" Martin exclaimed, "I mean, he might be on his way."

"He was supposed to be here over an hour ago!"

"Hold on, it's the other line," he said as he switched back to Niles, "Niles, Daphne's leaving the mall."

"Tell her that I'm on the other line, and I'm stuck in traffic."

"He's stuck in traffic," Martin told Daphne.

"Where?" Daphne asked.

"Tell her, I'm on Pressar Blvd."

"He's on Pressar Blvd, Daphne."

"Well, so am I, and there's no traffic!"

"Maybe I heard him wrong. Lemme check," Martin said, as he switched lines again, "Bad choice, Niles, Daphne's on Pressar Blvd. now."

"Damn!" he cussed, "Tell her I'm shopping for her."

Martin accidentally pressed the flash button again before he advised Niles, "She'll figure out that you're at Mel's house, if you say that."

"At Mel's house!" Daphne screamed in a jealous rage.

"No, Daphne. I mean..." Martin tried to cover up.

"Too late!" she interrupted before she hung up the phone.

"Niles," Martin said in a serious voice, "I'm afraid I gave you away."

"What?!"

"Well, it's not my fault! You'll are the ones who made me the operator!"

"Dad!"

"She's pretty mad. You better beat her over here right now while I go find Frasier."

"But, Mel's not going to let me out of here."

"Is there a window in the bathroom?"

"Yes, but she's on the third floor."

"You better use the fire escape."

"No, I can't."

"Niles, it's the other line again. Will you hold on?"

"Yes..."

"Dad?" Frasier asked.  


"Frasier?" Martin replied.

"I need your help."

"What's wrong now."

"I'm in jail."

"What?! How'd that happen?"

"Some doorman called the security guard because I was supposedly disturbing the residents."

"All right, I'll be down there as soon as I can, but right now, Daphne and Niles are on the rocks, so I got patch this up."

"You said you'd call me when you heard from Niles!"

"I know, but you left your cell phone here."

"Oh yeah..." Frasier recalled.

"By the way, Niles said that you'll have squash tomorrow."

"The other day he distinctly said we'd play on Saturday."

"But Frasier, today's Friday."

Frasier's jaw dropped, but before he could say anything he ran out of time. Martin explained what had happened to Niles, and Niles called Daphne and told her the truth. After being reassured by Martin, Daphne was overjoyed that this nightmare was at an end. Frasier didn't come home until the next morning because Martin forgot to go get him amidst the pandemonium.


End file.
